When we are young, our parents worry about us. Yet as our parents age, we begin to worry about them as well. If our parent is declining cognitively or physically, we often want them to have assistance of some kind. However, when they are still competent enough to decide, there is really not much we can do if they refuse. This can be extremely stressful for adult children. So when your aging parent refuses help, the question remains: Can you force your aging parent to get help?
This Forbes article says the simple answer is “no”. You cannot force help on anybody. The only way to ensure that they have assistance is if they are, what the courts call, “gravely disabled”. This means that they are incapable of caring for themselves. In this case, the court can assign a Guardian to make decisions for them. But if this is not the case, stress and worry may consume their adult children. For instance, if an elder is eating poorly but still eating, or living in a messy environment but is still “safe”, they can rightfully refuse help. Help for the elderly is hard to impose if it is unwanted.
Our society values self-determination. Laws in this country are in place to ensure that we can make our own decisions, as long as we are not causing harm or danger. Therefore, an elder who is competent mentally and is not posing risks to themselves or others cannot be forced to do anything.
However, this does not take away the concern and stress we have regarding our aging parents. Talking to them in a calm and rational way can help. It is usually not helpful to bring up the problems. Stating what is wrong with them will likely not help your case. But potentially bringing up that it is a burden on you can be effective. Noting to them that you are the one with the problem can possibly convince them to try it. Most parents are not refusing help because they want their children to worry. If they know that it is a burden on their children, they may reconsider. It is important to have this conversation before a crisis happens.
At Arizona Elder Care, we often assist families in assessing their parents and loved ones. We can let you know where they are in the aging process and put together a plan that takes into consideration the costs of various paths of aging. We can also recommend if they do in fact need a Guardianship or if the agent for their Power of Attorney needs to take action. Call us at 928-639-1583. Sometimes help needs to be suggested from a licensed professional to make a difference.