Maintaining the Relationship with Your Adult Children

Maintaining the relationship with your adult children may put you out of your comfort zone. Parents do not intentionally try to frustrate or annoy their adult children. They love them. But love makes us do strange things sometimes. This could be in the form of too much “constructive criticism” or an excess of emails and phone calls. Or it could be just trying to control things. Regardless of how you do it, invading your adult children’s lives will likely push them away.

This AARP article describes common habits that lead to seniors frustrating, annoying, or pushing away their adult children. Of course, none of this is intentional. We all love and want the best for our children. But sometimes, what we think is best for them doesn’t align with their ideas.

Your children have likely worked hard at building their own lives, separate from their parents. This doesn’t mean they don’t want to spend time with you. However, they probably want to live their lives on their terms. Offering what some call “constructive criticism” too often can come off as aggressive or pushy. You can have your opinions, and they can have theirs. They do not need to be the same all the time.

Another common habit is making holidays and traditions unhappy. For example, say it’s your adult child’s birthday. Of course you want to celebrate with them! But don’t expect more than is realistic. Maybe they want to celebrate with friends on their actual birthday, but can have dinner with you earlier that week. Enjoy what you can. And always try to understand that they have separate lives from you.

Obviously you are doing your best in maintaining the relationship with your adult children. It isn’t easy. You are from very different generations and have differing ideas of how things should be done. Be sympathetic to the fact that they have lives of their own. They more than likely cherish the time spent talking to you and being with you. But remember the fact that they are an individual, just like you. You don’t need to completely back off, but it’s all about a balance.